Solace in your arms
by potions mistress kate
Summary: Have you ever met someone who suddenly struck you not only by their physical beauty, but by their inner beauty first? Severus Snape did and this is the story of how he met the woman in whose arms he found his solace. Please review, your opinion is valued!
1. the beginnings of friendship

Told from three perspectives – Severus, OC and Albus.

Chapter One- the beginning

Albus.

I invited her to come and teach here for one reason only; I needed someone who could teach the students what they needed to know. Hard times were ahead of us and I needed someone to teach the subject that most people considered a waste of time. But many people don't understand that from history we can learn how to deal with what comes in the future.

We went into the great hall for the feast at the beginning of the school year. All the other staff were there and students were beginning to trickle in. I looked along the head table where the staff sat. Minerva and Pomona were chatting happily. As were everyone else, and then on the right of my seat I saw Severus, hiding behind a book. Typical I thought.

"Who's that man?" Kate asked suddenly.

"Which one dear," I smiled.

"The one hiding behind his book," she said.

"Ah that's our potions master, I'll introduce you to everyone properly later."

She ended up sitting on Severus's right. They didn't speak a word to one another all night. Although Severus kept shooting looks at her, a look I had never seen him give anyone before. It was as though he wanted to say something but then changed his mind.

Severus.

I found myself in the great hall half an hour before everyone else, well Minerva and Filius were there, but there were busy. Luckily I had brought my book with me. I lost myself in it quickly, without realising it Albus had arrived and I was seated next to someone I had never seen before.

I put my book down as the feast began and the first years had all been sorted. I had to admit I was hungry now. I stayed silent as usual except when Albus spoke to me. The young woman on my right was talking to Hagrid sat on her right, I listened a little and found they were deep in conversation about the care of unicorns. She spoke passionately about the elegant animals. She told Hagrid about when she was younger living in the countryside her father had kept them.

"Severus," someone called my name snapping me out of the trance I fell into listening to her speak, it was totally irrational.

"Yes," I turned to Albus who was looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"I've been saying your name for about five minutes, is everything alright my boy?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, "Fine,"

"Right time for a little speech then," Albus stood up and brought everyone into silence. "This year we have the pleasure of hosting the triwizard tournament, many of you may have heard of this having read up on your history. Ah that reminds me, I would like to welcome to the school out new history of magic teacher professor Reeves. I hope you will all make her feel very welcome, she did not attend school here so it may take her some time to get acquainted with the castle, please be courteous. Welcome professor" Albus turned towards the young woman who had stood up next to me momentarily. I found much to my own and her embarrassment the male students all clapped and cheered very loudly when they took notice of the new professor. I had to admit though she was very striking.

"Right back to what I was saying, the triwizard tournament will take place at hogwarts this year which means students from two other schools will be staying with us for the majority of the year. These will include the lovely ladies of the beaux batons academy of magic." Albus held his hand out towards the main door and entered through it a group of girls and their headmistress Madame Maxime who was about 10 foot tall. After the girls all got settled and their headmistress took her seat at the head table, Albus continued. "Also joining us for the triwizard tournament are the son's of Durmstrang and their high master Igor Karkaroff." Just as with the beaux batons girls the young men from Durmstrang entered with Karkaroff. I knew immediately from the moment he made eye contact with me I was going to be hassled by him all year.

We all ate dinner and I left as soon as possible.

Kate.

I sat down next to the man hiding behind his book. He didn't speak to me, but shot me a look, which said if you leave me alone I would leave you alone. I suppose it could save from trouble, but never the less I didn't mind if he didn't talk to me.

"It's a pleasure to met ya professor" the incredibly large man next to me said. I turned and smiled at him.

"You too," I said and shook his hand.

" Ma names Hagrid, I teach care of magical creatures and I'm the game keeper here." He said, despite his size and immense stature he was genuinely nice person.

"Fascinating," I said, I was being honest magical creatures was a very intriguing subject, "My name's Kate by the way," I said.

"Nice to meet you Kate," he picked up his goblet.

"Are you half giant?" I asked suddenly.

"Yes, why'd you ask?" he looked down at me smiling.

"Oh it's just I have never met a half giant before only fully sized giants," I said, he laughed deeply. We ate first course of our dinner after the guests arrived and then continued our conversation.

"So history o' magic aye," said Hagrid.

"Yes interesting subject although I shall be honest with you I would rather be teaching potions," I said.

"Really,"

"Yes that's what I taught at my last school," I said. Even though I wasn't looking at him I heard the dark man on my left shift uncomfortably in his seat. I didn't want to talk to anybody about my last school. "Have you always taught care of magical creatures?" I asked Hagrid.

"No I used to just be game keeper, but then Dumbledore gave me this job as well, thought it would be good for me he said,"

I went back to my rooms that evening. I sat on the edge of my bed and looked at the unpacked boxes. All his things were in those boxes, all his clothes and toys. Why I had kept them I didn't know, I had no use of them. Maybe I would ask Albus what to do with them. I couldn't open the boxes; I couldn't force that kind of pain upon myself.

I curled up on my bed and fell asleep.

Severus.

I walked, the next morning, along the corridor on the way to the staff room for breakfast. I hated that walk too long sometimes especially when one was hungry. But it had to be done I suppose. Just as I rounded the stairs up from the dungeons, she walked straight into me. She literally walked straight into me. as we crashed into one another her books fell out of her arms.

"I'm so sorry" she said bending down beginning to pick them up off the stairs.

"it's quite all right I wasn't concentrating on where I was going" I said. I picked up the last of her books as she straightened herself out. I held it out to her.

"Thank you" she said taking it from me. Her fingers skimmed mine unintentionally under the book, she smiled at me weakly.

"I don't believe we have been introduced" I said slightly surprised at her shyness. She cradled her books against her chest in a very defensive manner, she didn't mean anything by it though.

"no I don't believe we have" she said. "I'm…."

"professor Reeves" I said for her.

"yes" she looked at me for only a moment, her eyes stuck on mine. Blue they were but verging on grey, the whites of her eyes red as though she hadn't slept well or had been crying. I looked at her face and came to the conclusion that it was probably the latter. "your professor Snape yes?" she asked.

"yes" I said. she held her hand out to me after freeing it from her books. I took it in mine felt her grip my hand so gently. It was soft, warm and wasn't frightened of me even though she looked incredibly nervous.

"you were sat next to me at dinner last night" she said suddenly after I released her hand from mine.

"yes, I apologise for not speaking to you, but Albus kept me quite busy in conversation and when Karkaroff sat between I got no end of grief from him until he noticed you, I must apologise for his…." She stopped me.

"don't apologise for him, I know his sort wants one thing only." She said, making me smile a little. I saw her blush. I changed the topic of conversation quickly.

"what brings you down this way?" I asked.

"I'm afraid I've lost my way. My rooms are in the tower above here and I couldn't remember the way to the staff room" she said.

"that's perfectly alright, I'll take you myself" I said.

"thank you" she said. we went back up the stairs.

"how come so many books?" I asked.

"ah there for Minerva" she said. I took the one off the pile of seven she was carrying, read the title and flicked through some of the pages. I took another three of her and carried them for her.

"thank you" she said.

"your welcome"

we got to the staff room and I left her books on the main table for her. she thanked me again and we didn't speak until dinner that evening.

It was common practise for the staff to pass notes along the table. I didn't partake in this unless Albus sent me something. She was there before, sat reading a book. Albus came up behind me as I walked into the great hall.

"have you introduced yourself to our new professor?" he asked as we walked into the hall.

"yes I have" I said.

"pretty girl don't you agree" he asked. I knew what he was doing, I decided to be honest with him.

"exceptionally so, it seems to me Albus that Igor following her round all day." I said.

"And? What are you suggesting?"

"she seems to me to be a rather shy person at first, and I think he plans on taking advantage of this and the fact she isn't familiar with where she is,"

"well that be so I shall keep an eye on him" he said. he looked at me, "don't worry lad I'll make sure she is safe"

I don't know what he was thinking, but I was thinking there was definitely something different about her, I mean what on earth would have made me be so nice to her that morning.

I sat next to her and she smiled at me properly. It was so sweet and warm, I'm sure it wouldn't have been so if she knew me properly.

"good evening" she said closing her book.

"good evening" I said, "I though I should probably come and sit with you and save you the torture of having to endure Igor Karkaroff."

"Well thank you, he has been following me around all day, it's rather disconcerting" she said.

"if he is bothering you don't hesitate to say something to Albus"

"Well we'll see" she said.

we didn't speak much that dinner, but when she left she smiled at me again, I felt my face get hot and new I must have blushed. I tried to hide it by looking down at my clean empty plate.

Albus.

I watched them talking to one another. He seemed incredibly comfortable round her, like he had known her a long time when in reality they had only properly met that morning. I looked further down the table and saw Igor Karkaroff scowling in Severus's direction as they discussed the rest of the lessons they were planning for the rest of that term. It was totally innocent yet it pleased me to see Severus like that, it was a rare sight yet one that made me incredibly happy. What would eventuate I didn't know, but even if he just gained a friend that would be good enough for me.


	2. the beginnings of more than friendship

Chapter two- the beginnings of more than friendship

Kate.

The first three months I was at hogwarts were wonderful except for Igor Karkaroff following me round like a lost puppy.

One particular moment stuck in my mind, the day professor Snape saved me. I was in the Library on the first of December to be exact. I was looking for a certain book I was to make reference too in my next class of seventh years, but I was having trouble finding it. He came up behind me. I didn't even hear him until he turned me round so fast and pushed me hard up against the bookcase making a few of the books fall off, that was how hard he had pushed me.

He crushed his mouth against mine biting my lip hard. I knew it was bleeding I could feel the blood dripping down my chin. He grabbed hold the front of my shirt and dragged me further down the corridor of books where he was hoping no one would see us. He didn't let go of my shirt he just ripped it open. I was terrified, so much so I couldn't do anything but cry and try to push him away ineffectively. He bit me hard on my neck when I suddenly felt him pull away. I screamed. I shrank to the floor and watched as Professor Snape got rid of him, the anger and disgust dripping in his voice. I pulled my legs up towards me and wept.

I felt someone's warm hand on my shoulder. I tried to twist myself away.

"Professor Reeves" he said, "are you alright?" he asked. I just looked at him. "stupid question," He lifted me off the ground.

Before I even realised it he had taken me to his office and I was being sat down in one of the high winged chairs in front of the fire. I was trying to button my shirt up but many of the buttons were missing. He sat down opposite me in the other chair and held a glass out to me.

"Take it, it will help you calm down" he said. I took it from him in my shaking hands and drank it quickly, it tasted foul but it didn't the trick, within a couple of minutes I had stopped shaking as much and felt a little sleepy.

"Now tell me what happened," he said. I looked up at him.

"I don't know, I was just looking for a book and he came up behind me. He kissed me really hard" I said. I touched my lip and fresh blood seeped onto my finger.

"I'll clean you up in a minute" he said, "carry on"

"Then he dragged my somewhere by my shirt and he bit my neck then he ripped my shirt, I don't know what he was going to do, but he wouldn't have stopped if you hadn't come." I said. He stood up and walked over to his desk. He momentarily sat in the chair behind and opened the draw. He pulled a couple of things out and then stood in front of his desk.

"Come here" he said. I did as I was told. I stood in front of him. He had gauze in his hand and some clear fluid in a small bottle, " this might sting a little" he said and gently wiped it lightly across my bottom lip. It did sting making me pull away, "it's alright," he muttered, putting his hand on my shoulder. "I want you tell Albus what has happened, nobody else needs to know, but you must tell him. He harassed you back there and his behaviour unacceptable." He was talking while concentrating on cleaning my wounds. He tilted my head a little to get to the bite on my neck.

"You won't tell anyone what happened will you?" I asked.

"Of course not" he straightened up and put more of the clear fluid on his now bloody gauze.

"Thank you" I said, I felt my eyes fill up and the tears roll down my cheek. He looked at me.

"Did he hurt you…anywhere else?" he asked. I knew what he was asking.

"No" I said. He nodded slightly and out his bottle of clear fluid away. He threw away the gauze. "I should go," I said as he put them away.

"No… I mean if you want to" he said.

"Why did you say no?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said almost inaudibly. I didn't answer him. "I'll see you at dinner then" he said.

"Yes," I turned to leave his office.

"You might want to use a covering charm on those cuts" he said. "And talk to Albus"

"I will" I said and closed the door quietly behind me.

I sat in between Professor Snape and Albus that evening. I had spoken to Albus that afternoon and then went to dinner with him. He'd said he would deal with Karkaroff and would talk to professor Snape as well.

We had never really spent a lot of time together, Professor Snape and I. Just at dinner we had made small talk and at meetings and other things like that. I had just walked out of the great hall that night, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned round and looked up at into his dark, dark eyes.

"I wanted to know if you were alright," he said.

"I'm fine, I've had worse things happen to me trust me," I said. I turned to walk away form him back to my rooms.

"Would you like to come for a walk with me?" he asked form behind me. I turned round and looked back at him.

"Where?" I asked.

"I have patrol this evening at eight o'clock" he said. I nodded. "Would you care to accompany me?" he asked.

"Yes, I'll meet you here" I said. He nodded and the very slightest hint of a smile appeared at the corner of his mouth, indicating the answer I had given him was what he had wanted.

Severus.

I waited for her at eight o'clock in the entrance hall outside the great hall. I felt her tap me on the shoulder making me jump.

"I didn't mean to startle you I'm sorry" she said.

"It's alright," I said.

"Where do you patrol then?" she asked.

"From the third to the seventh floor" I said. She just smiled at me. "Your charms worked well, covering them up" I said

"Yes, well it's not very difficult really"

"No it isn't your right."

We walked in silence for a while until I broke it.

"You didn't mind that I took you to my office this afternoon did you?" I asked

"No, I thought that was what friends were supposed to do, look out for one another professor" she said. She considered us friends, this made me feel so strange no one but lily had ever called me her friend truly and meant it. But she meant it as well.

"Please call me Severus," I said.

"Severus" she said to herself, "I like your name, it suits you"

"Do you think so?" I asked, "I don't even know your first name"

"Kate" she said. I just smiled.

We wondered through the corridors for another two hours talking, until I swapped patrol with Filius.

"What do we do now?" she asked as we walked through the candlelight.

"I could walk you back to your rooms if you're like" I said.

"That would be good thank you" she said, "We can have a cup of tea I'm parched"

"Yes" I said.

We got to her rooms. She unlocked the door and invited me in. her rooms were massive but thinking about it they were no bigger then my own it's just hers had no walls separating the rooms except the kitchen and bathroom. She took her cloak off and kicked off her shoes.

I looked around and saw many things, which made were obviously very important to her. I stood in front of the fireplace. There was picture there, which interested me. I picked it up and looked at it. In the picture she was knelt down next to a little boy who looked about six and was grinning his arms round her neck. She was laughing. I put the picture down as I heard her walking towards me. I took the hot cup of tea off her and went to sit down.  
"Come sit over here" she said, "it's much more comfortable" her bed was across the room from the sofa and the fireplace. It really was a lot more comfortable. I knew she wasn't implying anything.

"I like talking to you" I said as I made myself comfortable.

"What do you mean," she asked. She laid flat on her bed and looked at me sat up next to her.

"I suppose what I said, I just like talking to you," I said. "I want to tell you things."

"Tell me things then" she said leaning up in her elbows and forearms. I laid back next to her.

"Who is that little boy in the picture on your mantle piece?" I asked.

"That's my son," she said.

"Why isn't he here with you?" I asked, presuming that he was probably staying with his father or something like that. What she did say shocked me.

"He died last year," she said

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's not your fault, he was very sick"

"May I ask what was wrong?" I turned on my side, she did the same.

"he had meningitis" she said.

"that's terrible"

"it was" she said, "one day I thought he was just getting a cold and then by the next evening he was dead" she closed her eyes. I put my hand on her arm. For the first time I felt an incredibly strong attraction to this young woman laid next to me.

"I know how you feel" I said.

"you do" she looked at me.

"I lost someone who I loved as well" I said, "I still love her, I always will, just in a different way because she isn't here"

"Who was she?" she asked.

"my best friend" I said. I felt her hand in mine.

"What happened to her?"

"she was murdered by the dark lord" I said, her hand tightened around mine. I had never spoken to anyone about lily before accept Albus. She very, very gently ran the back of her fingers along my cheek and brushed my hair out of my eyes.

"I…" I couldn't finish my sentence.

"go on" she said giving me what I needed to go on.

"this is going to sound very forward" I said, she just looked at me, "I want to find the solace I need in your arms" I ran my hand all the way up her arm. She moved closer to me and kissed me gently on my mouth. She brought her hand to my face when I kissed her back. my hands were on her back as I held her as close to me as I could. It was truly loving the way she kissed me.

I pulled away from her for a moment. I sat up and left her looking confused. I looked back at her and smiled making her face soften. I pulled my shoes off and pulled her back towards me as I laid down again. She held me tight.

"how did I end up kissing you just then when I only learnt your first name this evening" she said as I ran my hand through her hair.

"I don't know but your timing was impeccable," I whispered in her ear. She laughed properly making me laugh as well. She stopped and looked at me.

"you don't do that much do you?" she asked. I looked at her confused, "laugh,"

"no I don't suppose I do. I don't have anyone to laugh with really" I said.

"you do now" she whispered to me and pulled her self close to me.

we laid there and talked for about an hour. She didn't kiss me again. But her hand became very acquainted with my own.


	3. awkwardness and shadow

Kate

I woke up the next morning and everything really did feel like a dream. That was until breakfast when I saw him and reality hit as he looked at me. It was the way he looked away so quickly that made me nervous.

I knew last night had been totally out of character for him, especially when we kissed and the mere fact he had asked me to accompany him on his patrol.

I reluctantly prepared myself for the onslaught of sarcastic, yet deeply cutting remarks that I knew would arise from his ignoring of the situation. Of course he would ignore, because he regretted that it even happened.

Ever since I got there, I knew he was a solitary person. He had brought it upon himself; I wasn't sure whether he could see this himself though. But never the less I felt drawn to him. It wasn't because I found I him attractive, no it wasn't that. Not that he was repulsive, he was striking which resulted in him being quite handsome. Well he was in my opinion. No I was drawn to him because I could sense his insecurity when it came to things like relationships, with anyone. Also the fact he was so obviously lonely and that there was so much nobody knew. Plus it made me smile at the mention of his name and he made me blush like a bloody teenager. For that it was ridiculous I was drawn to him.

At breakfast the morning after we had spent the evening together, I sat in between Severus and Minerva. He gave me a sideways look, in acknowledgement of my presence then returned to picking at his toast and flashing disgusted looks at the goblet of pumpkin juice set before him. He had told me the evening before of his loathing of the substance, but drank it to keep Albus happy because he apparently loved it. It made me smile to watch him drink it then screw his face up as he swallowed.

I felt Minerva's hand touch my forearm and I turned quickly to look at her.

"How was you evening dear?" she asked

"Fine, thank you," I said, "How was yours?" I set to buttering my own toast.

"yes, most enjoyable," she said.

To be honest at the time I had really not been in the mood for any sort for conversation. I think Minerva caught on quickly and left me to myself contemplation. If I needed to speak with anyone, it was Severus and Albus.

"Headmaster," I said down the table, he leant forward to look at me.

"Yes Kate," he said with eyebrows raised.

"Would it be possible for me to come and speak with you some time today?" I asked.

"of course, come to my office after lunch," he said with a smile.

The morning's lessons with my fifth years and sixth years seemed to have passed in a blur. If someone had asked me what I taught that morning I would not have been able to answer them put it that way. I must have known what I was doing at the time though. Luckily.

I ate my lunch in a trance as well and then wandered a little aimlessly to Albus' office at one o'clock. I spoke the password and entered allowing him to lead me to one of the winged, high back chairs in front of the warm fire.

"What was it you wished to speak to me about Kate?" he asked

"headmaster, I have a problem" I looked into the flashing orange flames of the fire.

"How many times do I have to tell you, your as bad as Severus" at the mention of his name I looked up at the old man sat next to me, " call me Albus"

"Ok, Albus, I have a problem,"

"Well tell me and we shall see what we can do to fix said problem" he said, I turned to face him a little more, his glittering blue eyes meeting my own, and said it plainly and to the point.

"I kissed Severus"

"Oh dear," he said looking away from me and into the fire instead.

"What do you mean, _oh dear _?" I asked. Albus stood and walked over to his desk. I automatically followed him wanting answers.

"Did he kiss you back?" he asked suddenly. I thought for a moment as the memory of the previous evening played over and over in my mind. He had kissed me and I had been faultless.

"yes, he did," I said.

"Ah, well that's different then," he said sitting down behind his desk.

"What do you mean Albus your confusing me?" I asked sitting in the chair on the other side of his desk.

"Severus had been inconsolably fond of you for a while now, not that it didn't take a lot of energy for me to get t out of him but I did in the end. It took a lot for him to even ask you to join him yesterday evening," he said

"you knew about that?" I looked at him surprised,

"of course I knew my dear," he smiled

"How?" I asked in a whisper.

"Well I know you and I know Severus. Just talk to him I think you will be pleasantly surprised,"

Severus.

I sat the next evening at my desk in my office, thoroughly fed up with marking. Leaning back in my chair I ran my hands through my hair and the memory of her lips on mine came flooding back. I had obviously been unsuccessful in compartmentalising what had happened the night before. I wanted to forget, desperately wanted her to forget as well. What on earth was I thinking letting her kiss me? My sense and rationality had evidently left me at that time. Despite this I couldn't deny what I had felt when she had kissed me and the impulse I had felt to kiss her back. I also could not deny what I had felt when every time I looked at her or her touch. On the other hand I wanted to forget, I wanted to forget because of Lily and what I had promised to do. To watch over her son for her.

Kate wasn't like Lily at all. She was also nothing like me. Yet she was everything I wanted to be, everything that would earn me respect, not just to have people fear. But have that control was something I would never be able to live without, not now, not having be able to apply since I had started working here. I didn't want to control her though. Although she was controlling me, well my thoughts anyway. But I thought rather grudgingly how I knew she would control much more in due course.

As I sat looking down at the paper I had given a rather unfair mark to, but was not going to change, I thought I heard a very faint knock on the door on. So faint in fact I thought my mind was playing tricks, it was late about eleven thirty. I presumed it was probably a Slytherin student with a problem. If it was, I would have turned them away. I was struck with a surprise when I opened the door to my office.

There she stood in her pyjamas looking lovelier than ever and upset. She wasn't quite as tall as me but tall enough to be elegant for a woman. She looked up at me the little way she needed to.

"I think we should talk," she said almost in a whisper. I opened the heavy oak door and to let her in. I sat down at my desk and offered her the chair on the other side.

"What do you wish to talk about?" I asked trying to put no tome into my voice, but just ended up sounding patronizing.

"What do you think?" she said a little and sitting up a little straighter. A look disgust at me written upon her face.

"I can guess," I said considerably perplexed and incensed at the look of distain she had given me.

"Pray do tell," her eyes bored into mine. Making me feel uneasy at the intensity of her stare.

"Why don't you clarify it for me," I said. I brought my hands together on my desk.

"Last night in my rooms we kissed professor, in case you had forgotten I thought you should inform as to the implications of such actions," she said in a very business like manner. There was no emotion expressed on her face or in her eyes for that matter.

"I fear we may have got our wires crossed last night professor," I said. The recognition came over me what I had just said. I wanted to slam my thick head against the stonewall of my office, possibly to knock some sense back into myself or to knock myself out. Then maybe it would be better if she stayed away from me, I would only hurt her wouldn't I?

"YOU KISSED ME BACK SEVERUS!" she was angry and upset now. I could tell by the way she was looking at me, it was murderous. Although hearing her say my name in that angry slightly menacing voice did a little too much for me. She stood up so quickly she knocked her chair back a few feet. She brought her hand to her mouth and turned towards the door and quickly walked towards it. Immediately rushed around my desk and caught her by the arm before she could open the door. This was so much me that what I had felt with Lily. It wasn't just desire, I needed her.

Kate

I felt him grab my arm and he turned me round so fast. He had hold of both my shoulders, rather tightly. I wanted to cry, how could he have said that. I knew he would have regretted it.

"I didn't mean that, I shouldn't have said it," He said it loosening his once unyielding grip on my shoulders.

"Why did you then?" I asked.

"I said it because you shouldn't have anything to do with me," he said, his eyes unexpectedly softened as I reached up and took his hands off my shoulders and held them in my own. "I'll only hurt you," he looked at our hands.

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"because of what I felt when we kissed. I just can't do this," he said turned away from me leaving my hands empty and cold after his own warm hands left.

"I don't understand" I said, unsure really what to say.

"AND YOU NEVER WILL" he shouted, it was then I realised why the students were so fearful of him, he was truly frightening when he was angry. He put his hands on his desk and his jet black hair fell around his face hiding himself from me. I think he expected me to leave the while he couldn't see me. so he could hide and keep lying to himself.

I pushed my chair back towards the table and went over to him. I put my hand on his shoulder and made him look at me. He shook his head at me.

"You don't understand, and what you don't understand will only hurt you and I don't want to hurt you," he said.

"You said to me you want you solace in my arms, our wires didn't cross, as you put it Severus, you wanted it." I said.

"But I can't let you in, it will make you stay away," he said.

"Are you worried you will scare me away?" I asked tentatively.

"You could put it like that,"

"Do you want me to go?" I asked as he started tidying up his desk like nothing had happened just now.

"You don't have to stay" he said not looking at me.

"I'll take that as a yes then," I walked towards the door when I felt his hand on my shoulder again. I looked up at him. As I did the look on his face made him gave the impression that he was vulnerable and without a friend in the world. I watched him as he brought his hand up then let it fall again. There was a sadness in his eyes I had not seen before. A sadness, which told me, he was in pain, pain that he had lost and it was his fault. He luckily explained it for me.

"I can't endure any more loss, don't give me the opportunity to lose you," he said. he was frightened, Severus Snape was actually frightened of something and it was me. Not in the fear sense but he was frightened of losing me. That had to be the most unrealistically romantic thing anyone had ever said to me up until that point. I couldn't stop a smile appearing on my face, which made him frown. "Why are you smiling?" he looked mortified having just shared something so delicate with me and I smiled.

"I thought you didn't feel anything, for me anyway, let alone anyone else" I said.

"I am human you know," he said, a corner of his mouth began to turn. He let his smile come properly and he turned away from me.

"look at me," I said smiling as well. He did as I asked, "you can't really deny seeing such a rare sight as you smiling can you?" he just looked at me and raised his eyebrows. He looked me up and down for a moment.

"your wearing pyjamas" he stated sitting on his desk in front of me. He was lower down than me now, so he had to look up a little.

"yes, most people do wear them when they are about to go to bed, why don't you own any?" I asked cheekily, hoping I hadn't pressed too deep for him to become uncomfortable.

"as it happens I do, I just very rarely can be bothered with them," he said. I felt my face get hot and knew he would notice me blush even in the dim lamp light of his office. "I don't sleep a lot you see," he added, I knew it was so I wouldn't become totally embarrassed.

I wasn't talking to the malicious, vindictive, sarcastic potions master anymore. I was talking to Severus Snape, the man clothed in black. There was lot more to him than what feared students portrayed him as. He was insecure first and foremost, I think, and lonely. He was cold even when he was like he was now, but he just didn't know what to do.

"Will you go to Yule ball with me Kate?" he asked suddenly. I looked at him and bit my lip.

"yes" I said. he just nodded and looked at our feet, well my feet and his shoes.

"Aren't you feet cold?" he asked looking concerned. Quickly changing the conversation from what he had just asked me. I thought to myself _of course I will go to the ball with you foolish man, I'm in love with you._

"A little, but not so much its unbearable," I said. as I looked down at my feet and his shoes, I didn't realise he had taken hold of my hand. When I did I watched him as he anxiously inspected my fingers. The look of concentration on his face as he slid his fingers along the inside of my own. He pushed the sleeve down on my dressing gown and gently ran his hand over my wrist, which had a bruise on it from where Karkaroff had twisted it. Then along the pale skin of the inside of my forearm, as though he was checking for something.

Severus

I ran my hand over her delicate wrist, it would been so easy to break. The fact that Karkaroff had had his hands on her made me sick. Something so heavenly, he didn't deserve it, neither did I for that matter. But that wasn't the point. I hadn't even asked her how she was after the event in question. It seemed egotistical not to. The deep purple bruise which was now there looked so tender and raw.

"Karkaroff hurt you" I said. "I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner,"

"it's not your fault, I had no idea what he was going to do," she said.

"Do you have bruises like this one anywhere else?" I asked wanting to help her.

"On my stomach and my thigh," she said.

"Would you let me put something on them? It will stop them being so tender," I asked. She just nodded. I stood up and opened the cupboard on my desk and got out a small jar, which had a bright, flaming red ointment in it.

"I never thanked you properly what getting rid of him for me" she said.

"you don't need to," I said.

"Why?"

"because it was my obligation to do what I did," I said, as I gently rubbed the red ointment into her wrist. We both watched as her the bruise began to fade to just a pale purple.

"He would have raped me if you had not come when you did" she said, "I owe you a lot, I don't know if I will ever be able to repay something like that,"

"you don't have to, now stop all this, we do not need to discuss he," I said. "could I… could I see the one's on your stomach?" I asked hesitantly

"Yes," she took her dressing gown off and laid it on the chair next to us. I sat back down on the desk and watched her pull her pyjama top up so I could see the bruises on her side. They were just on her hip. It wasn't just on her skin these bruises, they were on the bone as well.

"Do you mind?" I asked wanting to know if she would let me do the same thing that I had to her wrist. She just shook her head, her long dark hair falling round her shoulders. I rubbed the ointment into her side, until she asked me to stop.

"it hurts," she said.

"I'm sorry" I said standing up again.

"it's alright," she said. We just stood and looked at each other for a moment. Unexpectedly she threw her arms round my neck and held her self as close to me as she could. I didn't know what to do at first, so I just put my hands on her back. as her scent caught me I relaxed and let myself fall into her.


	4. definitely more than just friends

Albus

It was only a few days until Christmas and the Yule ball, which I must say I had been looking forward to immensely. It was the twentieth of December if I remember correctly when Kate came to my office quite flustered and concerned by a piece of parchment in her hand.

"Albus you have to help me, this will probably sound totally superficial really but I don't know what to do," she said as she entered my office. She stood before my desk clutching the now worn parchment in her hand.

"Sit down dear and explain what is the problem is," I said offering the seat the other side of my desk. She sat, took a breath and then began.

"I received an owl from my mother this morning, which I had just expected to be my Christmas present. But it wasn't, she had written to tell me that my father was gravely ill and that I was to come home at once because she did not believe he would last till Christmas. The problematic part of this is I am supposed to chaperoning at the ball for you," she finally breathed again.

"Don't worry about that," I said, "you must go to your father."

"No that's not all, I am supposed to going with Severus," she said a look of agony upon her face.

"I see, well, it seems when it comes to you Severus has become awfully tolerant. Now I am sure if you explain the situation to him then he shall be accepting of your reasons not to spend Christmas with us this year. Another question dear, why are you asking me for relationship advice,"

"You know these things Albus…. What do you mean relationship advice?" she looked considerably put out by this observation.

"Well, would I be correct in presuming that you seeing Severus on a far more intimate basis these days," I stated.

"I… good question," she said, "I'll get back to you regarding that,"

Those two never ceased to amaze me in their unawareness of one another.

Severus

I had the most unintelligent afternoon in library. I had supposed to be doing research for Albus for something unimportant. Yet I found myself looking up every time the door opened or a voice was heard. This was getting ridiculous. I was still at a loss as to why she was paying me so much attention. And the fact she had kissed was like a dream. The horrible sinking feeling returned that she had come to speak to that afternoon after the night before only to make the point clear to forget about the whole thing, but then the memory of out conversation came back into my mind. Her recognition of the fact I did feel for her was what made me feel a little better.

"I thought you didn't feel anything, for me anyway, let alone anyone else"

I shut the book in my hand and went to put it back on the shelf. I felt tired, from thinking believe it or not. I did want to see her but at the same time I did not.

I made the decision to go to her office and talk to her about where I stood. That was in the sense of why she was plaguing my mind so often and it was ludicrously hard to get rid of when she did appear there.

I got to her office and knocked on the door.

"Come in," her voice sounded as thought she was distressed. I opened the door and found her with her back to me. She looked at me slightly over her shoulder.

"Oh hello, I was going to come and find you this afternoon I need to talk to you about something," by this time she had turned around but was not looking at me. She had been crying hard, it was very obvious.

"Kate, are you alright?" I asked tentatively as I closed the door behind me. Her face fell into her hands and she just shook her head. I walked over to her wanting to console her but finding myself lost as to what to do.

"Don't cry… please," was the best I could come up with.

"Don't be so insensitive Severus," she said and walked over to her desk. At the time I had no idea what I had done so wrong but later I figured that it was something not to be said to a woman when she was distressed but to just console her in another way.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I walked over to her and tried to put my hand on her shoulder, but she pushed my away, her hand gripping tightly the fabric of my shirt.

"My father is dieing," she said looking at me. Her eyes were so red they had to have been sore.

I didn't know what to say to that.

Kate

I just looked at the floor whilst the silence took hold. I felt him come closer to me, and his hand underneath my chin. His black, beautiful eyes met my own and I saw that he knew exactly how I felt. The thing he did next was what surprised me the most. He leaned right in and kissed me. It wasn't like the first time we had kissed this time there was so much love flowing out of him I felt like I could drown. He didn't push me to kiss him back but I just couldn't help myself to him. As he stood up straight again afterwards I felt myself fall towards him.

All I could do was look at him. He was looking worried as though he had done the wrong thing possibly, but all I could do was question him.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"I thought it would make you feel somewhat better," he said. I nodded my head, as it was the only way I could dignify him with an answer. He nodded back. I wanted him to hold me so badly so I wrapped my own arms round his middle and laid my head against his chest. He felt so good. I wanted no one other than myself to hold him.

It seemed to take him a while to register what I was doing. He did hold me back eventually. I let go of him and looked at him with what I hoped what a confused expression on my face.

"I gathered from our last conversation that we were just friends," I said.

"I believe we are not, any more," he said. He smiled at me. The thought of my father and what I what I had been dreading when before I went away disappeared in that smile.

The realisation came over me that I was totally head over heels in love with the man. I wasn't going to tell him this because I could not gage the extent to which he considered us not friends anymore. He was hard to define in this case.

"You'd said you needed to talk to me," he said as we held one another. I didn't let go of him as we continued our conversation.

"Yes, I have to go away tomorrow," I said. He let go of my hastily.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked

"I only found out this morning,"

"Why do you have to go away?" he asked. He sounded like a child wanting to know why.

"My father, my mother wants me go home, she doesn't think he will last until Christmas and he has asked for me,"

"You… You can't go away," he really sounded like a child now, a child that was begging its mother not to leave for whatever reason. "We are supposed to go to the ball together,"

"I'm sorry Severus," I said, "I have to go to him," he just looked at me. I searched his face for his emotion but none could be found anywhere but his eyes. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"It's not your fault, you must go to him. He is your father and you should be spending Christmas with your family not me," he sat down in the chair at my desk. I looked at him his hair fallen around his face. _Your so alone aren't you, _was the thought running through my head as I looked at him.

"I would want nothing more than to spend Christmas with you. To be honest with you I don't even know why either of them would want me there, as soon as they found out I was different from them in more ways than just my personality they hardly had anything to do with me,"

"Your muggle born?" he asked looking up at me from my chair.

"Yes," I said. He nodded.

"My father was a muggle," he mused quietly. Suddenly he looked back up at me, "so you would rather be with me?" I just nodded in reply.


	5. reasons for reasons

This one is just a little filler inner, exploring Severus and his inborn sense of being useless at saying what he bloody feels. Ah well we love him for it.

Severus

The day before she went away was surreal. It doesn't even sound realistic, we hardly had a relationship, and I was certainly not up to asking her about it. Maybe it would be easier to write to her? I wasn't sure. I had no idea how to act with women, not in the way I wanted to act with her. Seeing people together made me confused and wishing she just knew.

I asked her round the night before she went away. She had just smiled at me and said of course. I was sat in the armchair by the fire in my rooms totally and utterly lost in a book, when her knocking broke my trance.

"Hi," Kate smiled, as I stood there with the door open.

"Hello," I said.

"Are you going to let me in or am I going to have to stand here all evening?" she looked at me looking at her. It was killing me how my ability to speak left me when it came to her.

I held the door open so she could walk past.

Kate

I put my hand on his arm as I walked past him. He only had shirtsleeves on this evening, which made sense his rooms were warm from the fire.

"Don't touch me there!" he said pulling his arm away from me and holding it close to his torso. There was a flash of the sadistic potions master as he glared at me the murder in his eyes. It was times like this were it became notably obvious that his bite was just as worse if not even more harmful than his bark.

"I'm sorry, did you hurt your arm?" I asked. Why was I being so stupid? It was his left arm. I very quickly banished this insight from my mind.

"No I didn't hurt it," he said looking at the floor as we stood across from one another by the open door. I reached forward and closed it. "Can I get you a drink?"

"No… thank you," I stood there and watched him disappear for a moment. As I waited for him to come back I thought about what the insight I had just had meant. Something like that could explain his insecurity, his lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. He may not seem like that in public but I knew full well I was seeing the private Severus. The Severus that was still hurting. I wasn't sure how but I knew in time he would tell me, that is if this was going the way I thought it was.

He came with his own glass full of red wine.

"Was there any specific reason why you asked me round this evening?" I asked as we sat on the rug in front of the fire. It was tremendously cold unless you were close to the fire.

"I just wanted to see you…. before you went away," he said swilling the blood red liquid gently in it's glass.

"Ok," I pulled my knees up to my chest and pulled my shoes off.

"I wanted to talk to you as well," he said.

"Ok,"

"I've never brought anyone in here before, well Albus and Minerva have been in here but that doesn't count," he said. We didn't talk for a while but just watched the flames dancing. "How long do you think you will be away?" He asked quickly.

"I'm not sure," I looked at him, but he looked back at the fire as soon he noticed me looking at him looking at me. "I hope to be back by New Year," he just nodded and drank the contents of his glass.

"Will you write to me?" he asked. I was looking at the fire at the time when I felt his fingers on mine.

"Of course I will, everyday if you want me to," I said,

"I don't think every day would be necessary, every second day would suffice I think," he said.

"Every second day then. But what if I have nothing to do and all I can think of is writing to you?" I asked him as a smile appeared on his face.

"Then in that situation, and only that situation, I give you permission to write to me everyday," he said

"Good," I said.

"I will miss you," he said.

"I'm not going away for months it's only a few days," I said smiling. He made me smile. At this point I could not see his face for his hair.

Severus

I felt her brush my hair out of my face and move my face so I would look at her.

"Why don't you tell me?" she asked sitting closer to me than she was before. I didn't know what answer she wanted from.

"Tell you what?" I asked. She smiled a little and brushed my hair out of my eyes again.

"What you feel," she said. I could just say it, say it all but I didn't think I could.

"To what extent do you want to know?" I asked.

"To whatever extent you are willing to tell me,"

"I feel a lot… about… you," I said. She nodded.

"What though?" she wasn't pushing me. "Say what you _think_ if that's easier,"

"Ok, well I think you're a very unique woman," I swallowed; she had seen me do and smiled again, her hand in mine. "I think you like me, but I'm not sure why, yet. I think I would like for you to be mine," God it had been so hard to say it before but she made easy.

"Well, if that is what you think," she looked back at the fire. I was worried now, the way she had said it made it sound as though she hadn't like what I had said. " I shall tell you what I think too, yes?"

"Yes,"

"I think I would like to be yours," she said her eyes kept me stuck to her, I could get lost in them so easily.

That evening after she left, she had said she would write to me once she got there and had a chance to get settled. The rest of that evening we had sat curled up together in front of the fire. We had pulled the sofa closer to the fire and kept warm not only off that, but also off one another's body heat and the blanket wrapped round us.

Having decided that she should leave when we both nearly fell asleep I went to my own bed which cold and lonely. She had asked me to read to her, so I did as she requested, that was how we had both nearly fallen asleep I would have wanted nothing more than to sleep in her arms.

We had talked about her parents and what they had been like with her ever since they found out she was a witch. How her mother had always been more accepting of her than her father. I knew exactly how she felt having a muggle and a witch for parents. One wanting you to be merely happy and the other one sickened by your mere existence. I could blame my father for much. The anger I felt inside, the coldness, the bitterness. I hated him for destroying my childhood. I hated anything that reminded me of him, including seeing children. Which was probably why I was so harsh with them. She had told of the same thing, yet I doubted she had suffered the abuse I had. He didn't just abuse me, it was my mother as well, and the worst thing was he would do it in front of me.

I knew that because of him I would never be able to have children of my own. I just was so terrified that I would become like him. It would be so selfish to treat another child the way I had been treated. I had often thought about meeting someone who I would want that sort of life with, but it would never be an option for me, unless they had been poisoned of were totally delirious.

I hated him and the dark lord for stopping me being able to love so willingly. I kept myself in a cage. Away from the emotional turmoil of the real world. I had reinforced that cage to the extent that when I saw Kate I couldn't break out of it. I think she understood this to certain extent. To the extent that she knew it was hard for me. I had never been able to tell anyone that I loved anyone. Her attention had made me nervous at first but as soon I had begun to appreciate it my attempts to free my cold heart from its bound weren't getting me anywhere so it seemed.

I was in love with her, the realisation of this made me both worried and immensely glad. It was an odd mix but one that felt totally new and strange. I hadn't loved Lily, especially if this was what love felt like. It made my body ache.

Yet after all that I still could not admit to her how deep my feeling had begun to lie.


	6. letters from Kate

Severus

_Dear Severus,_

_I just thought I would let you know that my family are living in London at the moment so that is where I shall be. Don't hesitate to write to me; in fact I would like it if you would. _

_I have left you the key to my rooms because I feel that only you are the person I can trust with guarding it properly for me. I would also appreciate if you would revise the protective wards I have put there for me. I have some very important and personal things in there that I would prefer no one but you to see. I shall tell about their importance in time, bear with me. _

_Have a good Christmas, I shall be thinking of you_

_Regards,_

K.R

I looked back at the parchment and her neat clear handwriting once more. This was the fifth time I had read the letter she had left me that morning at breakfast.

"I hope that piece of parchment isn't causing you grief lad," I heard Albus say from my left.

"No, not at all," I said, "she has left me responsible for her rooms," I mused.

"Who has Severus?" he asked

"Kate, you know she had gone to her parents,"

"Yes, she had a lot of trust in you, I hope for both your sakes you are being honest with her," he shovelled yet more food into his mouth.

"What you are insinuating headmaster?" I more than somewhat put out by this comment.

"Well I presume you have not told her of your past," he said looking at me. I hated that look he gave; it made me feel as though I was the size of a matchstick.

"And what, headmaster, has it got to do with you what I have and haven't told professor Reeves," I was angry now; the slightest thing was making me angry at the moment.

"I only want the best for you Severus, you know that, and I think you can safely say that Kate is what you should consider the best thing that is ever going to happen to you, don't jeopardise the happiness you know you could claim from this,"

I ate my breakfast, Albus's words resonating through my mind the rest of the morning as I sat in my office and marked N.E.W.T papers.

My concentration was shot. It was verging on impossible to do anything without wondering where she was and what she was doing.

The rest of the day I spent meandering around the hills surrounding the castle in the snow. I had dug out my old hiking boots and my camera and set off after lunch to conquer the hills surrounding the lake and the back of the castle.

Whilst stood on the top of the mountain behind the school I felt so small, everything was so colossal. Every physical thing around me seemed giant, but everything in my head also felt giant except one thing, her. She was simple and what she represented was simple.

She hadn't been gone a day and yet everything seemed so severe, harsh and cutting. Nothing was easy. That was why what she was though; she made everything easier, effortless and breathtaking. It was funny, the more I talked with her the more I found we were alike in so many ways yet so vastly different. For some reason I had been under the illusion, at first, that I could get away with not telling her about my death eater past. I tried to figure the best way to say it in my mind but I couldn't string sentences together that made sense.

I missed her already.

Kate

I was sat in the drawing room of my parent's Georgian townhouse in the middle of London on the window seat watching the thick snowfall.

As I sat there I contemplated a lot of things, most of them involving Severus.

I left the drawing room and went up to the bedroom where my father was resting. He had asked to speak with me.

"Sit down girl, are you not stopping?" he asked as I sat in the wicker chair by the large bay window. I looked out to the street below. We were on the third floor. The park across the way was full of children playing in the snow. It was rare to have so much snow in London at Christmas; it usually snowed afterwards.

"What did you want to talk to me about dad? I asked. He looked me up and down as though I was filth. He had never explained why he was so cold towards me because of the fact I was a witch. My mother had only done the same because of him.

"I trust you still visit Gabriel's grave yes," he asked.

"Of course I do dad. what is that supposed to mean?"

"Well I don't know why, I wouldn't. he was just like you wasn't he. A freak," he said.

"I can't believe you just said that. YOU WORSHIPPED HIM," his obnoxious self was really working overtime.

"yes, well." He said. "maybe we should talk about something else. How is your new job?" he always did this, avoided the tough stuff.

"Yes, my new job is fantastic. I have met someone as well," I said the last part a little quieter.

"you've met someone, and…?" he looked at me. this was one of the few times he was actually interested in me. Only because he wanted me married off so I would not be a problem to him anymore.

"Yes, he's very….. Extraordinary,"

"Is he like you?" he asked

"If you're asking if he is a wizard. Then yes he is like me," I said.

"How long have you known him?" he asked. This was the beginning of the long line of questions about this man I had met.

"Since I started working at the school,"

"He teaches?"

"Yes he teaches," I said.

"Do you love him?" he asked. I looked at him and saw he had a piece of paper in his hand. Well a few pieces of paper stapled together.

"Yes, I do love him, very much," I said.

Severus

_26__th__ of December _

_Dear Severus,_

_My father died last night. I think it was more painful for me than it was for him. That's sounds so self-centered, but some of the questions he was asking me were very hurting. I told my parents about you, and of course my father didn't want to know because you a wizard. _

_My mother has asked me stay for a couple more days. I have to come back to school obviously so I shall be back before New Year._

_On a more pleasant note, Merry Christmas, how was the ball? I am so sorry I had to go away. I had really wanted to go with you. All the same some things cannot be avoided. _

_I think when I get back we should have a long conversation about where this is going. I don't know whether you know how much I care for you, or whether you reciprocate this or not. I need to know Severus because I think I love you. Please write back. _

_Enjoy the rest of the holidays_

_Kindest regards_

_Kate_

I sat at the desk in my office whilst I read her letter on the morning of the twenty-sixth.

I grabbed the closest piece of blank parchment I could find and began writing a letter back to her.

_Dear Kate,_

_I don't know whether I should say I feel sorry about your father's death, having heard how you felt about him. It doesn't sound self-centered of you at all to feel hurt by your father. I felt the same about my own father. He was never accepting of either my mother or myself. I have told you before he was a muggle. _

_The ball went well although Igor Karkaroff is continuing to harass me. I shall tell you why when you come home. It would have been good to have you there but as you said some things cannot be avoided. _

_As to replying to the latter half of your letter, I would prefer to tell in person the extent to which I feel when you return. All I shall say is my lack of communication is going to have to stop, for your benefit just as much as mine. _

_Sincerest regards_

Severus

On my way back from the owlery, I contemplated how to tell her. I had never had the valour to tell anyone I loved them. Loving someone openly was seen as a weakness and that was how I had been brought up. This theory had resulted in years of heartache and melancholy. Misery no more if I could mend my ways.

I had only recently been able to not feel the urge to vomit whenever someone showed affection, whether that be between friends or otherwise. It was her fault, and thank god she had made me see the light. Because now her kisses were sweeter than sugar and her touch was healing me slowly.

Due to my rather cold letter I did not receive another one in return.


	7. confessions

Kate

As soon as I got back I went to my rooms and dumped my bags. I wandered down towards the dungeons where I knew a certain gentleman would be skulking around. I tried to be as quiet as possible, but high-heeled shoes on cold stone steps are never especially forgiving. I had though he would be in his office but I only caught him out of the corner of my eye in the classroom next door. He was cleaning the room, having rather obviously been teaching a remedial potions class. He was cursing under his breath which made me smile knowing he hated teaching remedial potions.

I knocked gently on the heavy wooden door. He turned quickly nearly dropping the vials he had in his hand.

"Hello," I said.

"Kate,"

"Yep I'm pretty sure that's who I am," I smiled at him making his face soften.

"Why didn't you write back?" he asked a puzzled look crossed his face.

"My father wouldn't let me, his exact words were, _while you are in this house you shall behave like a normal person, not a freak," _I said.

"Your not a freak," he said putting the vials down on one of the desks.

I walked over to him and threw my arms round his neck. He held me so tight I thought I wouldn't be able to breath. "I missed you," he whispered into my hair. He was so warm; it reminded me of the evening before I had gone away. How we had sat together and he had held me because he said he wanted to keep me warm. The way he would stroke my hair and when he had read to me. His voice was like liquid silk, dripping onto me and burning itself into my memory. All I could feel was his arms around me, the cold air of the room disappeared just like every other insignificant thing in this world.

"You said you love me, in your letter," he whispered as I pulled away from him.

"Yes I did,"

"Did you mean that?" he asked.

"Why would I have written it otherwise?" I asked. He looked at the floor and his hair hide him away again. He looked back up at me, his striking eyes burning mine.

"I…" he stopped for some reason and kissed me instead. I pulled away from him though.

"Go on," I wanted to know what he was going to say. He just pulled me into his arms. As he embraced me I felt his breath on the side of my face.

"I love you," he said. I felt his arms tighten around me.

Severus

I could not believe that I had just told her that. As soon as I had held her tight enough to make sure she wasn't a cruel dream I was about to wake up from, I pulled away from her and picked the empty vials up off the desk and walked over to my desk at the front of the class room.

"Severus what's wrong?" I heard her say from behind me.

"Nothing,"

"Something must be, you wouldn't have just walked away like that," she said.

"I shouldn't have told that, it was wrong and immoral of me,"

"Why on earth would say that?" she asked

"There's are things I haven't told you that would mean you might want to take back what you said in your letter,"

"Please tell me what it is that's clearly bothering you," she said. I felt her hand on my arm. I turned round and put my hands on her shoulders.

"Maybe we should go in my office, it's more… private," I took her hand in mine and we went into my office. "Let me show you something, but you must promise me that you won't leave, you must let me explain,"

"I promise," she said. In some sort of way I hadn't wanted her to promise me anything. It would have been better for her to leave and never speak to me again. Seen as though she wanted to know I couldn't avoid it anymore. I undid the couple of buttons of the cuff of my robes and rolled it up along with my shirt underneath. Before I could even turn my arm over she had stopped me her hand round my wrist.

"I know what you were Severus," she said.

"How?"

"Stories, rumours, Albus," she said, "I know it was wrong of me and I should have asked you not him, but I asked him if there was anything that I should know about you that could answer for the coldness you portray, the reason why to me I see someone who is in pain," she starred me straight in the eyes, "he told me that you used to be a death eater, but he wanted you to tell me the reasons why and how you ended up here," I felt her hand in mine, "I didn't want to push you into to telling me anything until you were ready, because there are a lot of painful things I still have to tell you. The reason I will tell you is because I am without a doubt in love with Severus, I want to be with you for the rest of my life," she said. I could only watch her as her tears escaped her eyes and fell silently down her face.

"It is a very long story and I want to tell you and I have been trying to rehearse it in my head but it won't come together," I said. She just nodded. I knew that she knew my story could wait because I was not who I used to be. I didn't know why she understood this but she just did, she said it with her eyes. "Was it your son, is that what's hurting you?

"Yes, he was so young and so helpless, one day there he was, Gabriel, happy, bright, energetic. Too energetic for me to keep up sometimes. And then the next minute I was holding him in my arms, totally helpless, as he died," she said her tears drying up. "The thing about my son was, he never knew his father, and neither did I,"

"Why?" I didn't understand how she could not know who the father of her own child was.

"I was raped and fell pregnant with Gabriel, I could have got rid of him but I didn't see why a child should be denied its life just because it was forced upon the world through malicious intent. The fact that I was raped made me want to give him a decent life," she said. I watched her as she covered my arm up. "I don't care what you were and what you did Severus. I know that you are a trustworthy and loyal. I know you're compassionate and passionate. Although you come across as cold your so warm to me. I know you love me and I love you because of who you are not what you have done,"

Kate

There really wasn't nothing more I could say to convince him that that mark on his arm didn't repulse me like it did so many, but it was an explanation, the one I had been looking for in fact. I could see he didn't want me to touch it or talk about it really. He would tell me in time why it was there. But I had the horrible sinking feeling that his soul had suffered more damage than any should do. He was a disaster, a very handsome disaster. He was frayed at the edges but the inside was soft to the touch. I wouldn't have him any other way though.

"Will you stay with me this evening?" he asked snapping me back into to reality and his cold office.

"If you like, we should go and get some dinner first though I'm starving. You can't deny me a good feed after a long journey," I played the puppy dog eyes, only to watch him roll his own, making me smile.

"But I am sure you just apparated," he said folding his arms.

"So what if I did,"

"Well it's hardly a long journey, a split second nearly I believe," he said. I unfolded his arms and held his warm hands. His hands were always warm. It was great.

"Ok, fine, but it doesn't stop be being hungry, they'll be about to have dinner now come on," I said pulling on his hand.

"I can get something sent to my rooms instead, at least then we can get warm together, I don't know about you but I'm frozen," he said. He pulled me towards him.

"I can only imagine what you are trying to rope me into doing this evening Professor Snape," I said

"ME, absolutely nothing." He let go of one of my hands and gasped, "I'm shocked you think such things miss Reeves" taking me hand again he pulled me even closer, his face barely an inch from mine. "I would never force you to do anything," I felt his hand on my back.

"But what about me forcing you to do things, sir," I whispered. Instead of answering me he leant right in and kissed me, gently at first but it didn't take long for it to become much deeper.


	8. twisted perfect smile

Sorry this chapter has taken a while to get up but I have been busy working and such the like. To put it plainly Severus is prepared to lose his inhibitions and succumb to the lust he has been closeting for some time now. I will shut up now I am giving too much away. I am appalling. Enjoy it is probable crap. It's a bit mushy as well 

Severus

It was New Years Eve and I rushed up to her office, not exactly sure what it was I needed to tell her but I needed to tell her something all the same. I knocked on the door and waited for her answer but instead she answered it herself. She had only been back a few days. But they had been some of the best days I had spent with her.

"Hello," she smiled at me. "Do you want to come in?"

"Yes, if you're not busy," I said.

"Well, I have a student with me but she's going soon so you can wait inside instead of out here in the cold," she opened the door a little more and let me through. I saw the student, a young Ravenclaw girl who appeared to be troubled by something and was looking quite upset. I watched her as she looked up at me entering Kate's office and she sunk into her chair a little more than she already had done.

"Why don't you come back in a couple of days and we can talk some more, ok?" Kate asked the girl as she walked back round her desk, putting her hand on the girls shoulder for a moment. I couldn't for the life of me remember her name, not that it really mattered.

"Ok professor, thank you," the girl stood and gave a very fearful looking glance at me before leaving the room.

"God you terrify people Severus, did you know that?" Kate said her back to me as she replaced the books sat on her desk back to their shelves on the wall.

"Do I frighten you?" I asked.

"As it happens, you do… on occasion," she smiled at me over her shoulder. I couldn't help but smirk. "Now why are you here anyway, I thought we had agreed to having a day to ourselves to get some work done for once, before Albus's dinner this evening,"

"Yes, well I wanted to know if you come for a walk with me," I said.

"Where darling?" she asked as she walked past me, book in hand. No one had ever called me that before, not even my mother.

"Why did you call me that?" I asked wanting to know her reasons.

"What, darling?"

"Yes,"

"It's a term of endearment Severus, if you don't like it then just tell me and I promise to never call you it again," she said she had her back to me again as she stood in front of her desk. I walked up behind her. She turned round quickly and walked into me.

"It's strange because I consider you my darling," I said and pushed her hair over her shoulder.

"Can't you be mine as well though?" she asked. I had no answer for her. "Yes, I'll come for walk with you, just as long it's not some outrageously long thing,"

Albus.

"Minerva, Minerva, come here quickly, look, I told you I knew there was something more than just friendship going on," I said peering out of the window down onto the snow covered lawn where Severus and Kate walked, thinking they were alone.

"What are you talking about?" Minerva asked seeing just the two for them merely walking.

"Watch," I said pressing my finger against the window. Severus stopped Kate as they walked. He put his gloved hands on her shoulders and pulled her towards him. Kate held him back; it was as though they had known each other forever.

"Oh my god" said Minerva, "are they?"

"I think so," I said giddily. "Well nothing too serious yet, he hasn't even taken her out properly, although did you see him when she went away over Christmas," I was getting far too excited about this.

"Yes, the poor boy was so wretched and forlorn," Minerva, said. We watched them carry on walking. They must have thought no one was watching them at all.

"I just hope he has told her," I said to myself.

Kate

"I like it down here," Severus said, as we walked around the edge of the lake. It was totally frozen over now and there was frost on the sand.

"It is pleasant isn't it," I said. He took hold of my hand. There was something different about him today, he seemed genuinely content and a little bit giddy, very strange. "What has got you in such a good mood?"

"What, oh, I don't know," he said looking away from me. I stopped walking and turned to look at him.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"Well, this morning I was thinking what on earth you see in me. But now I am thinking about what I have got you for Christmas," he said.

"Your crazier than I thought, we missed Christmas remember," I smiled at him.

"No we haven't, I have officially allocated tomorrow as our Christmas day and we are going to have Christmas day then, because you were away, mainly because there something I want to show you," he said.

"What?" I asked

"You'll have to wait and see," he said. This was getting weirder and weirder. But then suddenly his mood changed and he sat down on the cold sand. "God what was I thinking." He said as he put his face against his knees as he pulled them towards him.

"Severus, tell me please,"

"I was going to ask you something, but I don't even know what I was thinking, moment of madness apparently," he said. I sat down next to him, the sand was so cold, but he was warm. His voice was muffled by the fact his face was hidden. I stroked his hair as he sighed deeply.

"Sometimes there's nothing better than a moment of madness," I said. I had a strong inkling at what it was he was going to ask me, but I would wait for him until he decided this madness as he called it was not just a moment at all. He sat up straight and looked at me.

"But we hardly know one another. We haven't even done certain… things… that people do before… this," he said tensely. I couldn't help but laugh. He looked utterly mortified. "I see just what this means to you then, I should probably go," he was about to stand up. I pulled his arm.

"No, I am so sorry, please stay. I didn't mean to laugh, it was just the way you said it," I said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well you could have just told me you think the time has come to take our relationship a bit further," he looked confused. I sighed and said it plainly. "You could have just said you wanted to sleep with me," he looked at me with an expression I could not read as anything but blank, until that twisted yet perfect smile crept through and eventually we were both lost in laughter.

"I didn't mean it like that though," he said getting his breath back.

"I know, you want it to mean something, so do I," I said.

"Well I might just have to give you your present this evening then," he said smiled and then stood up. "Come on," he held his hands out to me, " you being the woman that you are will need however many hours to get ready for this dinner Albus is having,"

Severus

I got to her rooms about Seven o'clock we were already late. I had asked her to go with me because the time had come to stop hiding from people and pretending things weren't happening. It wasn't fair on either of us.

I was stood in her living room waiting as she went to get her shoes. She threw her cloak at me whilst she did them up. Her dress was black and went to her knees. It covered most of her arms and her black leather boots went to her knees. They had high very dangerous looking heels.

"You look…" I didn't know what to say, my uselessness dropping me in it once again.

"Oh shut up," she said. "I hate this dress,"

"Why on earth are you wearing then?" I asked as she took her cloak back off me.

"Because it the only decent one I own, it's the newest one I own," she said. "Anyway I wanted to ask you something,"

"Yes," I watched her lock the door as we stepped out into the icy corridor.

"Would you keep Igor Karkaroff away from me, I don't think I could bear with something kicking off, not tonight," she said.

"Of course I won't let him near you, Albus knows about what happened he's had words," I said as we walked along next to one another.

"It's just I haven't had to be near him since that whole incident and now I do. What did Albus say to him?" she asked.

"Just that he had no right to assault anyone in the way he did let alone one of his staff," I said. "Well, he did say other things, but I cannot really repeat them,"

"Oh, come on Severus," she said looking up at me.

"Maybe another day," I said.

The evening went relatively well, I only had to endure the glares Karkaroff was firing at me for the fact Kate was sat so close to me. she could see what he was doing and whilst talking to Minerva I felt her hand in mine under the table. At about half past midnight I managed to get her to leave.

"Where on earth are we going?" she asked, I could hear the giggle in her voice. Her hand disappearing from mine. I turned around and watched her stand they're looking at me.

"Christmas present," I said.

"Oh for gods sake Severus, just tell me what it is," she pleaded with me.

"No that would ruin the surprise," I said. "You weren't a prefect when you were at school were you?"

"No why?"

"Well, the prefects were never aloud to tell anyone, but they have there own private bathroom. It's quite impressive," I said opening the door to the large bathroom with its huge bath more like a swimming pool.

"Wow, I never even knew it existed," she said stepping in front of me as I shut the door.

Kate

"You might want to take you cloak off," he said as his hands ran over my shoulders taking my cloak with them. I watched him as he hung both our cloaks up.

"How warm is it?" I asked.

"Very," he pulled my hair back over my shoulders and kissed my neck. I had never seen this side of Severus before, but I had to admit I liked it… a lot. This must have been something he really wanted otherwise he wouldn't be even touching me. his hands went down my sides until they found their place on my waist. He turned me round so quickly it made me gasp. "Will you join me?" he asked as started to undo the buttons on his robes. I couldn't answer him. I was about to take my boots off when he stopped me. "Leave them on," he said pulling his black robes off and leaving him in just his shirt and trousers.

"Severus Snape!" I said slightly shocked, " God your filthy aren't you,"

"Just a little bit," he smiled cheekily. "Come on, you can take them off, it would probably be uncomfortable," he said going down on his knees and unzipping them. He slid each one off and threw them aside.

"I knew something had got you in a good mood, but what on earth made you think you were in with any sort of a chance?" I teased him.

"I had some sort of odd instinct that maybe I would, but I also had a very distinct feeling I was dreaming at the same time," he said concentrating on getting my shoes off. All I could do was watch him. I ran my fingers through his hair as he knelt down in front of me. He looked up and frowned. He stood up again and took hold of my hand. "You don't want this do you, you do don't want me like this," he said looking at my bare feet in the thin layer of water that covered the floor from the bath which was full to the brim.

"I do want you, it's just I was thinking about what you said earlier by the lake," I said.

"What did I say by the lake?" he looked a little less perplexed, but… well just not as confused.

"That you were going to ask me… something, but we hadn't done things that people more often than not do before you would ask this something," I said looking up into his dark eyes. "I know what it is you want to ask me, and I know your not ready what you were planning this evening either, you just felt you had to before you ask me. You don't, and don't worry about the fact we haven't been together long, I think we both know this isn't something fleeting,"

"I see…" there was an awkward silence for a moment, which turned to a quite peaceful, calm quiet which resulted in my unconsciously unbuttoning the majority of the buttons on his shirt. "So you don't think this is just a fleeting then, as you put it,"

"No, I wouldn't have let you tell me you love me otherwise," I said. "Do you know when I fell in love with you?"

"No, I didn't think that was possible unless you were under the influence of something, or insane," he said. He made me laugh.

"Don't be daft, I fell in love with you, that day in the library, and you me rescued me from Karkaroff,"

"I hardly think you can I say I rescued you," he said, absolutely no emotion in his voice. "I was very angry that day… do you want to stay here, or do you want to go somewhere warm?" he asked buttoning his shirt up again. I think what I had said had disturbed him. I knew he was a quiet person anyway, but he was being especially quiet.

He walked me back to my rooms and as I unlocked the door he said he ought to go.

"Please don't go," I said.

Severus

"It's very late," I said, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"Yes, I suppose your right,"

As I watched her speak a question crossed my mind, was I actually ready for that kind of commitment, or was it just enough to be with her anyway? I came to a conclusion very quickly after visiting a few memories, those including the night I cleaned her up after her incident with Karkaroff, the first time she kissed me, the evening we spent keeping each other warm on my sofa, the time when she had been away only a few days ago and how misplaced I had felt, when she told me she loved me and somehow I managed to find the nerve to tell her I loved her too, that same night she had stayed over, falling asleep in her arms and waking up to her embrace. All these things had made me feel safe to be myself around her. Surely someone who made me feel that would deserve my commitment, wouldn't they?

I watched her as she watched me the conscious thought that I was lost in my own little world came back to me and I let the smile escape.

"What were you thinking about?" she asked her hand on my arm.

"You," I said. She laughed at me.

"So are you going or are you staying?" she asked.

"Well I suppose I should stay, seen as though we cannot really afford to get caught kissing in the corridor," I said. She smiled at me and opened the door, locking it quite firmly behind us.

We spent the rest of the night talking about her son. Well she talked about him, I just listened. She explained her reluctance to get rid of his things and before we knew it the sun was coming up and the light started to creep through the windows. I left soon after and decided to try and get a couple of hours sleep, although that wasn't likely after spending the majority of the day with her, she was invading my mind again. Before I would have tried to push her out, but now I laid back and enjoyed seeing her with me when I closed my eyes.


	9. public displays of affection

My owl swooped down onto my place at the staff table in the great hall. It was Valentines Day and those awful pink roses were pilling up in front of me. I opened the recent two cards that appeared before me. I read them and couldn't help but laugh. They were disgustingly tacky. It took me a while to realise my owl hadn't just popped by for a visit, she was stretching her leg out as far as she could to get my attention and had begun squawking. I took the small package from her mouth and untied the piece of parchment from her leg. She flew off.

Dear Kate,

I feel no words that could describe how grateful I am to you, for making the last few months the most wonderful few months of my life. They have also been the happiest. You have allowed me to be who I really am, and allowed me to love you, for which I shall be ever thankful.

I feel incredibly lucky to love a woman as beautiful, intelligent and loving and gentle as you. I was under the impression that I could never love another, but I have found you have been the only one I have ever really loved. That is why in all my pathetic romanticism, on Valentines Day I ask you, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife? Now you are to open the box and find what I have spent the vast majority of what money I have on.

All my love for now and for always,

Severus.

I looked up and watched him feeding my owl a piece of toast, which she took hungrily. He didn't know I was looking at him. I opened the box that my owl had been carrying. It was simply with the most gorgeously cut diamond.

I didn't care what anyone thought anymore. So I stood up and was about to walk round to him when he started walking towards me. When we reached one another I threw my arms round his shoulders and held him as tight as I could. I felt him hold me back just as firmly as I held him. I opened my eyes and looked over his shoulder. Everyone was looking at us including Albus and Minerva whose jaw looked like it was going to hit floor.

"I take that as a yes then," he whispered into my hair.

"Yes, of course I would not give it a second thought," I said letting go and just standing in front of him.

"Come on," he said and took hold of my hand and pulled me out of the great hall by the door near the staff table. As soon as we were far away enough not to be walked in upon he stopped me and pushed my up against the wall. He pushed my hair back with both his hands. "You didn't have to say yes,"

"Of course I did, I love you, remember that," I smiled at him.

"God, there's so much you don't know," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked taking hold of his hands in mine.

"It can wait now, we must make merry, for you my lady are to be my wife," he faked a smile and we continued our walk towards what I was guessing was the direction of his rooms. I could not help but go along for the ride.

He took me to his rooms a place I had only been few times.

"Excuse the mess," he said. I didn't know what he was on about; it wasn't that messy just a few papers lying around and some books. "I plan on us not being disturbed today, you haven't got anything planned do you?"

"No, not that I know of, I have to teach that's all,"

"Ah, you are wrong there my love, I have spoken with Albus, and today is the day we are taking off. Call it the extra holiday we deserve for all our hard work," he said taking his cloak off.

"So Albus was in your asking to marry me plan then," I folded my arms.

"Yes, of course he was. Do really expect someone as useless with you as me to think up something like that?" he didn't wait for me to answer," I assure though the letter was all written by me," he unfolded my arms and kissed my hands.

"It was lovely what you wrote, and the way you wrote it made me feel that you were being sincere," I said.

"I was," he said. There was a silence came over for a while which ended when Severus brought his hand to my cheek and turned my face to look at him. "I wanted to know if you would wish to continue where we left off on news years eve," he said almost in a whisper.

"Yes," I whispered back. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him gently and waited for him to return my kiss. When he did it were hungry and a little too compelling. His arms snaked around my waist as mine did around his shoulders. We started moving backwards until we came into contact with the cold stonewall. He pushed me hard against it and I felt his hand on my thigh. I couldn't help but run my foot up his leg. He pulled away from kiss and smiled at me.

"I don't want to do this against a wall," he whispered.

"Me neither," I said.

"Maybe some other time," he said as we walked towards his bedroom, I hit him on his arm. He sat on the edge of his bed and untied his shoes. How on earth someone could look so attractive taking his shoes off I didn't know, but I bloody well didn't question it for long. He beckoned me over to him and I did as he asked. I ran my fingers through his hair as he stared up at me. "Why do you love me?" he asked. I smiled.

"I love you because you make me delirious," I said, he laughed, "your so passionate, and I love the way you talk and your voice could turn me to a pool of chocolate, and you'd have me on my knees whenever so desired it,"

Severus

She did as she said and got down on her knees between my legs, resting her arms on them. I could do nothing but look at her. She stood up again and pushed me back gently so I laid on my back. She laid down next to me. she took hold of my hand and turned on her side to face me.

"can I call you Sev, Severus is a bit of a mouthful sometimes," she smiled as she traced her fingers over my face.

"yes, if you like," I said.

"I don't even know obvious things about you," she said running her fingers through my hair.

"Like what?"

"like when your birthday is and stuff like that," she smiled.

"My birthday is on the ninth of January," I said looking away from her.

"What, its been and gone then, oh my god I can't believe you didn't tell me," she said sitting up.

"yes, I didn't want a big fuss making, I have never enjoyed birthdays," I said.

"But you could have told me and we could have gone out, and I could have got you something," she looked more upset than angry.

"It doesn't matter," I said trying very hard to convince her it was alright.

"Hmm I'll just make sure you don't get away with that again next year," she looked at me sideways.

"Well, I won't be able to because we will be married by then," I moved a little closer to her.

Kate

He touched my face then kissed me very gently. When I kissed him back though he pulled away so fast I didn't realise what was going on. He stood and looked at me for a moment, before saying;

"I'm so sorry, but I cannot do this,"

"What do you mean?" I asked standing next to him.

"I though it would be easy because I love you, but it's not. I just don't think that I am ready….. god that sounds so childish but it's the only way I can think of saying it…….. I can't let you see me Kate,"

"Why?" I asked.

"My dark mark, I have a lot of scars from things he did to me……… just can't let you ok," he said.


End file.
